So Close, Yet So Far

I have four weeks left to go in this pregnancy. And true to form, the last four weeks are the longest. I think it has something to do with the sleepless nights. What with back pain (from contractions), hip pain (from laying on them), bathroom trips, heartburn, stuffy nose, noises from Steve and the other kids, I just can't sleep. It always works out this way. Not sleeping with the baby inside is the only thing that will make you want to not sleep with the baby outside. 

But despite my average of 5 - 6 hours of sleep at night (I have a difficult time returning to sleep once awakened), and the crazy fact that I actually have to use muscle power to get out of bed, the worst part of this pregnancy is my scatterbrained mind. Let me illustrate.

A few weeks ago, we got to church an hour late. I'm sure many of you are thinking immediately that you know why we were late, let me assure you, that logical conclusion was lost on me. We walked in a few minutes before 11:00. Doing quite well, considering our 11:00 start time. We were stunned to discover the meeting had already started. Some unrecognizable guy was up there making what we thought was an announcement. So we meandered to the back, finding seats on two rows because all the rows were taken up. The guy never stopped his announcement. I soon realized it was a talk and was wondering if it was stake conference and if it had started an hour ago. But then I thought, "We aren't in the stake center." When the man closed his talk and the bishop got up to announce the closing song, I leaned forward to the girl in front of me and asked, "Did I miss something?" She looked at me and started laughing and said, "It's Daylight Savings." A normal person would stop there. But I'm pregnant, not normal. I immediately assumed that it must be April and that my baby was due soon. I started to get excited. But then I thought, "Wait, we haven't even had St. Patrick's Day yet." I know I'm nuts. I guess that is what you get when you don't watch the news for a few weeks.

Examples do not stop there. On the very St. Patrick's Day mentioned above, I had my next embarrassing moment. Cara had to babysit for the very woman who informed me that it was Daylight Savings. I was at a Stake RS function that was very boring. When we finally got out, I noticed my phone had rang. I didn't recognize the number so I listened to the message. There were tons of talking women around and I could not hear very well. It was Cara, but she didn't leave a message. The phone was left on and she was having a conversation with a man. I could not be sure it was Cara, I didn't recognize the number and it was too loud in the building. But my face showed concern. My friend saw me and asked if I was okay. I said, "I'm not sure. I don't know if Cara is okay." She immediately took off (it was her kids Cara was sitting for). Then I got really scared and stopped trying to figure out the message. I ran to the car and called Steve and told him to run up the street and check on Cara. I was crying and couldn't talk. Steve took off and I could hear my neighbor's car in the background roaring down the street. She and Steve burst into the house at the same time. Cara was sitting on the couch watching TV while the Dad was eating a Subway sandwich. They calmly looked up and wondered what all the fuss was about. Needless to say, I better listen more carefully next time. Cara had called me from the wife's cell phone to ask if we would be home soon. But getting my message, she thought she had hung up, but instead recorded the conversation she was having with the husband. It was all fine, but I couldn't hear and I didn't know who was talking. When Cara came home she said, "Mom, was that your most embarrassing moment?" Steve loves to tell this story. My only comeback is that in his speedy quest to potentially save his daughter, Steve got winded 50 feet from the house and had to stop to catch his breath. Luckily, Cara didn't need us.

Is this all? No, I've been known to not know what I'm talking about in more than one gospel doctrine lesson this year. It's kind of sad when class members call me on it and I just have to shrug my shoulders and say that yes, I'm wrong. 

And we've been having our basement finished. I let them go thinking that they were thinking the same thoughts as I when it came to bookshelves, cabinets, drawers, doors, fixtures, and furnaces. So when not everything turned out like I thought it would, I was shocked. I don't know why. They are men after all and in my own experience, Steve and I rarely see things the same way in our minds. Luckily, it has turned out fine and Steve gets his surround sound, a great bargaining tool when I go for the diving board on my pool.

Max has been asking me if the baby will get candy for Easter. I said, "No, babies can't eat candy. They only drink milk." He then asked, "Will she get a basket with toys?" I said, "No, the baby hasn't even come out yet. She will get one next year." In my mind, I was thinking, "She's not even here. Why would she get a basket?" I'm sure that Max was thinking in his mind, "You have already bought so much stuff for her (I was holding a Gymboree bag), and she's not even here. Of course you would get her an Easter basket."

This morning, I made muffins for the kids and they didn't believe they were regular muffins. They thought I would have done something for April Fools. Don't they know I already feel like every day is April Fools for me? I guess I should take it as a compliment. So what did I spend my morning doing? I tried to paint black eyes on two boys that insisted on going to school in full joke armor. Will it work? Undoubtedly not. I am not even close to a make-up artist. But I guess I can feel good that I sent two boys out the door happy. Not something I manage to do everyday.