SEVEN

Max got a little excited opening presents.

Wow, a tiny remote control car.

Generally, my heart sinks a bit when my children announce it is their turn for a party this year. I let them have it every other year for my sanity. Max's party this year proved to push me over the edge.

It started with the announcement. "Mom, I get a party this year." Followed with, "Are you sure?" And, "Don't you want to go somewhere with the family instead?" And a more desperate, "Wouldn't you rather just have the money we would have spent on the party (that one worked on Sam)?" But as luck would have it, Max insisted on the party. He told me he hated the planning part. I finally forced him to do invitations. I did most of it and then walked out of the room because Max was screaming that he could do it himself. When I came back, I saw his progress. He had added some important lines to the invite. Please come and bring me presents. There will be seven people coming. I told him he had to take out the bring me presents part because it wasn't polite. He could not understand why that wasn't polite. True, his friends would have thought it appropriate, but I was concerned about the mothers.

Max invited seven children. Two children I knew, the rest I had never met. When the big day arrived, and 4:00 came, no kids were here. Max kept checking the window. Then they started coming. One woman brought her son to the door and said, "Are you ready for this?" I thought 7 kids (one didn't show), 2 1/2 hours, I could handle it. No, it was a premonition. The first part of the party involved a lego building contest. Most of the kids just used partially built products that my older kids had done before and left in the lego pile. They were lacking in creativity, definitely. A couple of the kids did get the idea of building, but some of the others were too distracting. It's hard to build when one boy is telling everyone that he can play any video game he wants, even rated R ones.

Then they went down to watch a movie. Maddie threw candy on the floor (because they could not build the lego box to put the candy in) and the kids ran for it. One boy got hurt in the process and then didn't get any candy because he was crying. Steve had to make the others share. And of course the same kid who can play any video game he wants announced to everyone that the movie was stupid.

Dinner was the best. The kids were singing a very loud song they sing at school. And the same kid jumped up to tell everyone to check if the last boy had come. I told him to sit down and eat. So then he got up, ran to the door and yelled, "Calvin is here." Of course he wasn't, but it made all the boys run to check. I told them to all sit down. And then the same boy decided to dump his soda on another child's head. Then I had to yell at the boy. He doesn't get to be that rude in my house. I understand a little excitement, but he actually had to leave his seat to get to the other boy. It was very deliberate.

When dinner was over, and in response to everyone wanting Max to open their present first, Max announced, "I'm going to open presents from my best to worst friends." Then I had to let Max have it. Present opening ensued with shouts of exclamation from Max. And then we had cake. The same boy stole the candy off another boys cake, causing tears. And then he announced that the only thing his family did for FHE was to have a food fight. He always uses tomatoes and his brother hates it when he throws pie at him.

The parents started coming and kids were hiding so they wouldn't have to leave. I made sure to make them visible. I told Steve that hell was a never-ending seven-year-old birthday party.

So, I let the children have parties every other year. I think I might make an exception for Max. I think it will be another 5 years for him. And I get to choose the guest list.